Inner Doodles

I may have ordered too many crickets. The fragmented and nibbled on watermelon in the cage looks like a dystopian work of art. Simultaneously stunning and foul. The smell of cricket permeates the living room. At least our A/C is fixed and the air is no longer humid. Yesterday the stagnant humidity retained the smells of our meals from too many days past. Layers and layers of egg crate covered in tiny flecks of poo and cricket. It looks like a bee hive. The egg crates seem to be moving, but it's the crickets cleaning their antennae and legs. I've never actually witnessed a fight, but the morbid piles of cricket bodies tells me that the alpha cricket is at large. A new box of 250 arrives today. I don't have enough containers to fill. At least not ones with holey lids for breathing and enough space to fit egg crate hiding spots. Frankie is fat. The vet was impressed. If she was appalled, she didn't let on. I'm supposed to give her only 5 crickets a day. But when ...

One Hundred Days. This should be a mile marker. Shouldn't it? "There are exactly 100 prime numbers whose digits are in strictly ascending order (e.g. 239, 2357 etc.)." (Wiki) Well, that's pretty cool. The Angel Numbers website says that seeing 100 means an angel is trying to communicate with you. It is time to cast off all negativity and change your way of thinking. A positive attitude will help you achieve your goals. I'm not sure about all of that, but positive attitudes, self reflection, and casting off negativity certainly never hurt anyone. "100 is the square of 10 (in scientific notation it is written as 1x102). The standard SI prefix for a hundred is 'hecto-' (Wiki)." Today feels pretty square. And yet it feels like it is more complicated than just 100 days. More like 1 long day times 102 terrible things. Although I still have a hecto' a lot of hope we will pull out of this one day. har...har...anyone? [cricket, cricket] ...

Needless to say, I got slightly derailed since my last post. I was about to give up writing this blog all together when someone thanked me for writing these today. So, here I am. Back in the saddle. But...how can I write about my goofy self when humanity continues to spiral downward into a withering hole of its own making? I have gone back and forth in my head daily about what I could possibly write on this page that would be appropriate. If I stay silent, I'm not doing my part as a white person. If I speak up, how can my words not sound preachy and white privileged and all wrong? Whatever I write, it will not be enough. It won't right the wrongs. It will sound wrong. It won't scratch the surface of making a difference. But it is a start. And it will be from my heart. Perhaps at the very least, it will spark a ripple in the right direction. My heart is still breaking. I still suck in air and fight back guttural sobs when I watch heartfelt videos or hear moving speec...