Inner Doodles

Tomorrow is the first day of school. It is the first day of the 2020-2021 school year. It is also the first day of Planned Online School. (Planned meaning that instead of a makeshift emergency couple of hours, we now have a purposefully planned out full day.) I feel like I'm waiting in line for a roller coaster. Except I hate roller coasters. I want to like them. I do. I've waited in several lines, psyching myself up for the ride. Every time I get to the front, I check out. I then wait dutifully by the pink-flowered bushes for my friends to have the time of their lives while I avoid the bees who so love the pink-flowered bushes.  The one ride I did manage to get on was the Jurassic Park River Adventure Ride at Universal, Florida. You couldn't see the drop while you waited in line. It was supposedly like the log flume. I knew there was a plunge at the end, but everyone insisted it wasn't that bad. So I waited in line. As I got closer, my heart pounded, but I made it into...

My how time flies. Or doesn't. Or something. It's been almost a month since my last log. Where to begin... The toilet paper! That's a great place to start. The toilet paper is back in full stock!! As is the hand sanitizer. Still no disinfectant wipes, but everything else seems relatively back to normal at the grocery store. I suppose the masks and distancing is still there. That's the new normal. I'm already used to it. So. Strange. What next? Schools. Should I open that Pandora's box? Why not. What are your thoughts? Here are mine: As a paraeducator and a parent, I am wholeheartedly relieved that my county schools are online until January. Paraeducators have an interesting job. We get to see the inner workings and the outer workings of the entire school. We see the best and worst and everything in between. That being said, when I hear people say things like, "With enough funding, we can easily control social distancing in schools," it makes me...

The walls are suffocating once again. Irritation wears itself on my skin, in my hair follicles, in my aching heels. Why are my heels aching? Every need of every being around me feels grating. There's not enough food in the cat bowl. There aren't enough eyes on how I eat my cereal. But this guy can do this really neat trick. Why can't you put the kind of cat food I like in the bowl? Watch how these guys spin when you put them together like this! There's a dish on the table, are you done with it? I have a meeting in 5 minutes, so I can't help you log in, do you think you can do it on your own? Yes. No. I can't log in because you're logged in, Mom. 4 minutes until my meeting. My hair is a mess. I can see the bottom of my kibble bowl and it's a disgrace. Do I care if they see me disheveled? Everyone's hair is a mess. Mom, I can't log in. 2 minutes. Of course I care. Why is my hair frizzier when I'm at home? Or is it just that I have access to a m...

Between the onslaught of assignments and Zoom meetings that littered my calendar, I spent much of the day staring out the window. I noticed a woman had found a secluded spot in the woods. She sat on a raised manhole cover where trees met the gravel path above our glorious drainage swamp. It was both romantic and desperate. I found myself wondering what she was trying to escape or if she was just enjoying the scene. I watched as smoke meandered up from her fingers. She lifted the cigarette to her lips. Maybe she was a closet smoker. I decided I'd keep her identity a secret just in case. I never was a smoker, but she reminded me of a younger version of myself. I often sought out solitary spots to think and absorb and just be. I always found myself needing to escape one thing or another. Stress, people, life. It has been years since went for a solitary walk or sit. I haven't had a reason to escape. I haven't had the time. Does one need a reason to enjoy a favorite spot? Certai...